I know he will not be the same he will be dead, no more of my husband just some reminiscence

I know he will not be the same he will be dead, no more of my husband just some reminiscence

And I hope he will find acceptance and love

I know people change in time but not as much and not as drastic. So I am going to leave him after the baby is born, I wish I could do it now but I want him to see his baby. I thought of just leaving him and don’t allow him to bound with the baby so he will not suffer, but he will. As you can see I can’t even see him a woman. When he talks with me about becoming a woman it is tormenting me, it is painful that I am worried for the baby that will have health or mental problems.

On the other hand it hurts me to know he is going through this and I can’t be there for him, I was there for him when he was bouncing around and he would not have the job, but now it’s too much for me to deal with and I also thought of suicide to get out of his way to let him be who is really without adding more guilt on him because he is hurting me and the baby. I was praying to universe/god/demons/angels to tale my https://rksloans.com/title-loans-mo/ life away. But I am responsible for the baby, he will not be able to handle the change, the baby, my pain. I have to be there at least for the baby. I feel that my life is over I am almost 40 and I know I will not be able to trust and feel in love, and I will not be able to look at him as my wife or partner, I know my boundaries I know my foundation.

So I feel like I am living with a corps in my house, my husband corps. I want his to be free and happy but that is opposite of being with me. I am sad I can’t offer him those and I will live with that guilt but I can’t live tormented like I am doing now. I hope you see that you are more free than you think and your situation is lighter than mine, life is full of risks but maybe you need to analyze the risk before your take it, it might or might not be worthy.